He replied, saying that if he and I were to walk into a Hindu wedding, and even if I am covered in paint and don't know a single person at the wedding, I will still be able to walk in and be encouraged to participate. He on the other hand, can be sharply dressed, perhaps know 1 or 2 people out of all of the guests and be denied entrance. I asked how often that happens, and he replied "nearly every day of my life." Since he is a tour guide, he goes to places with white people fairly often, and he is allowed to go into places that if he would try and enter alone, he would be immediately turned down- no questions asked.
It makes me sad that a culture puts so much weight on that. We have those issues in America also, I am well aware of that. But, it is taken to such a higher standard here in India -the mantra is as if whites can do absolutely no wrong.
After explaining that sap box, I want to elaborate on this Hindu/Seekha wedding that we attended last night at our hotel in Agra.
The event was amazing and such a beautiful way to celebrate the communion of marriage. We do not own Saree's (nor could we figure out how to wear them if we did!) so we wore our Chitigar's, which is like street clothes here. All the women at the wedding had AMAZING silk Saree's and wearing all types of sparkles, gems, bangles. They all looked so beautiful and festive. We arrived in the middle of the groom's party and we stood as close to the wall as we could so we could observe what was happening and try to figure out who the bride/groom was. We saw another white female at the party who was wearing a Saree and had long blond hair. We eventually made our way to where she was standing as we watched a Indian drum circle parading and dancing up and down while certain members of the wedding party were charaded and dancing in the middle of the circle. Bali is a style of Indian dance, and the women who were part of the drum circle were wearing such elaborate outfits and moving so gracefully with their bodies and hands. We found the groom- who was wearing a red turban with a decadent veil of silver chains coming down to cover his face. The blond girl (who was from the states and was staying with a friend of hers from college who lived in India) explained that before we had arrived, the grooms face had been covered and a turban was put on to indicate that his personal part of the ceremony was about to start. It takes nearly 2 or 3 hours for the actual turban to be fixed in place and then have his face covered. Suddenly, the friends parents came running over to where we were standing and grabbed our hands, explaining that we had to dance. She led us to the middle of the drum circle and the women dancers grabbed our hands and began moving back and forth- instructing us how to dance Bali. We were all so unsure of what was happening, but quickly became at ease at the pace and the beating of the drums! It was like a festival where you just move and experience life one moment at a time, trying to take in everything that you can.
We danced for about 5-10 minutes before exiting the drum circle and everyone started to walk out of the room, and fromed into a moving trail outside towards the road of the hotel. We followed the moving crowds, and at the end of the trail, the groom had been placed in a very decorative carriage, along with the youngest male cousin on his side of the family. People were approaching him and giving gifts, congratulating the still veiled groom, and then leave to line the path that they were to take back to the hotel. The dancers led the procession, parading the groom so that all the guests could see him being pulled by a white horse carriage. Dr. Kumar had told me last week that the grooms are paraded around their home towns during receptions, its done as a manor to parade the groom but also so that the townspeople can keep him accountable in that they have to speak up in case anyone has been to his wedding before.) These weddings can last from 3-10 days and the actual wedding ceremony is done at the very end of the set number of days allotted to celebrate. The dancer's/drummers soon after starting their procession, again grabbed us to continue dancing in the middle of their circle. A girl explained that the more people dance within the circle, the happier the marriage is believed to be. Therefore we danced the whole way back to the hotel and witnessed the two families placing ropes of jasmine around the necks of their equal counterparts. The grandfather of the bride would place the flowers on the grandfather of the groom (and vica versa) the dad of the bride would place the flowers around the neck of the father of the groom (and vica-versa). This happened for nearly 30 minutes. Then we were all released from a small room into a larger one lined with hundreds of dishes to eat. Pita, hummus, Italian, Lasagna, breads, desserts, Mango Ice cream, Jelibea (amazing!) rices, sauces, soups! We were all encouraged to eat, while the groom sat on a couch on a stage and either was presented with gifts, rituals, or conversations with close family members. While we ate and observed everything that was happening for almost an hour, the bride finally appeared and she was escorted by about 4 or 5 people who were holding something that resembled a square canopy above her that contained woven ropes of jasmines. The groom walked down the steps of the stage, excitedly grabbed her hand and brought her onto the stage with him. We all watched with anticipation, as ropes were placed around their hands, boxes of smoke were swung in front of them, chants, music, noises, and ritualistic movements were perfomed. The bride and groom then sat down on the couch and spent the remainder of the evening taking pictures with all of the guests at the wedding.
Festive, fun, and something that was so impactful! It was not a complete Hindu wedding, but it is one that we have refered to as a HIndu/Seekha wedding. Both rituals were apparent, but they appeared to be somewhat blended.
We were later told that if a foriegner is present at a Hindu wedding, then it is considerd a sign of good luck and will actually raise the standing of the couple who is getting married (Kind of like their social status is raised). We were encouraged to take a picture with the couple on the stage, which 3 of us did, and the bride and groom were so amazingly dect out in beautiful jewelry, gowns, and India fashion. The wedding had about 400-500 at it, and that amount was significantly small compared to many Hindu weddings that can have the upward amount of 2,000 people attend.
